Who would I be without my problem?

We in modern Western societies love the story of struggles becoming success. The virtue of suffering is built into many religions, and it, along with the struggle against it, is reinforced by popular narratives. We define our own hero’s journey through our suffering. For so many of us, suffering is part of our identity.

When I did my year-ahead reading for myself at the end of last year, bibliomancy for Aries season revealed this pointed question: “Who would I be without my problem?” It’s fitting for this month of shadow work. 

I posted a few weeks ago about my workaholism and how it inspired a new tarot spread for those of us who find our suffering aligning with Protestant capitalism. But the value we find in suffering and struggle doesn’t have to be about labor. Who doesn’t feel the pain of an unrequited love story? And who doesn’t root for the plucky family to find their way back to each other after being separated by evil forces?

So ask yourself: What’s my problem? And who would I be without it?

Sit with that. 

If your “problem” has helped define you, as it has for so many of us, it may be hard to know where to even begin. Feel free to use your tarot cards to help you answer those questions, but don’t rush the process. It may feel destabilizing, unraveling even. Our identities are built around various scaffolds. You wouldn’t go around just pulling the frameworks out of buildings, would you? But you can create new scaffolds as you disassemble the old structure.

Now you can turn to the cards if you want and ask: 

1. Who am I? 

2. What’s my problem? 

3. Who would I be without my problem? 

4. How can I start to create a new framework?

The book that this bibliomantic query comes from is Feeding Your Demons by Tsultrim Allione, which I’ve mentioned before.