On Change

I spent an hour or so writing a thoughtful blog post about my experience of the past three to four weeks since the murder of George Floyd and the protests that have managed to ripple through society in a way that hasn’t happened in recent years, but I deleted it. It was self-righteous. It tried to explain why even the small things matter when the world needs big changes. But you know what? If you believe only a Tower moment helps shift society, my going on and on about it, as someone who is sitting higher in the Tower than most people, isn’t going to impress you. And thank goodness for that. It shouldn’t. 

I want people to want radical change, to be willing to reckon with cataclysm. But I also know that some people aren’t ready for it, and they need help to even take smaller steps. I love the Tower, but the Hermit is here to help guide you through the unknown on a mostly safe if not comfortable journey. And that’s a naturally slower process. We have to change the status quo. That’s a given. To the Towers, please keep burning and demanding swift change. We always need your energy and fire to inspire the rest of us. To everyone else, it might take a little longer to change your “normal.”

If you’ve been feeling exhausted or you’ve grown tired from a few weeks of standing up to a system that you’ve never thought to really challenge before, I see you. And I feel you. I don’t think I’ve ever been so tired for such a prolonged period that wasn’t a result of personal crisis. And if you’re not used to such shifts or to taking a stand on behalf of others that puts you at odds with others still, this period in time might feel like personal crisis to you. Processing that kind of personal shift is hard work. 

Yes, I could chastise you for being late to the party and not doing more now that you’re here, but I’m honestly just glad that you’re here. (At the same time, no one is going to throw you a party or give you an award for participation.) Most of the people whom I know personally in this work—and that’s not a random sample or representative, just my frame of reference—would rather have you stay here and get ready to go back to work after recuperating than watch you burn out and never come back to the fight. Yes, I agree that people who give up quickly have weak skin, but I also know from life experience and, well, science that you can only toughen your skin by putting in the work and then letting yourself heal enough to go back out there again and do it all over again. 

So while you’re recuperating, please stay engaged. You can rest up, but get connected and stay connected. 

Read books, both fiction and nonfiction. Watch TV shows, movies, and even documentaries. 

Find content creators of color online, including people whose ideas and work are naturally appealing to you, as well as those who challenge your status quo. Get uncomfortable. That’s part of the skin thickening. And it’s absolutely vital to personal growth, and not just in terms of combating systemic racism; it’s true of any kind of personal growth I’ve experienced. (If you need help, search the hashtag #amplifyMelanatedVoices or ask a friend.)

Make what seems “different” part of your everyday. You don’t have to unfollow everyone else, but I do encourage you to check in with whom you are following just to make sure that they haven’t been suspiciously silent or vigorously oppositional to what you want to bring into your life. (I’ve put one of the most important brands in my life on probation for a month to see if they’ll actually make good on their promises. And if not, I have to cut the cord.) 

Do you find yourself liking some things and then pausing to think, Ooh, that may have gone too far or I’m not sure about that part. That’s okay. You don’t have to like everything someone says or posts. Let it sit with you. Examine it. What about it doesn’t feel right? You may find an important spot of resistance, a defense mechanism that you need to work through. And you may find that some of it just isn’t right for you.

Last, consider donating your time or your money if you’re able to do so, and make sure that you know who and what you’re donating to because there are scammers out there. Sites like Charity Navigator (https://www.charitynavigator.org) and GuideStar (https://www.guidestar.org) are useful resources for that, but you may also want to look for local organizations to support to make sure that you’re helping to change your community more directly. And if you’re still not sure, find a friend who has been at this for a while and ask them for advice on where they would donate if they could.

Yes, some things need to burn to the ground, and that’s a healthy part of growth in an ecosystem. But there’s slow growth that happens too. Change happens at different rates in different parts of the system. As long as you’re not slowing it down or going in the wrong direction, I support you.